


If We Had No Winter

by killingsaray



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:53:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24493801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingsaray/pseuds/killingsaray
Summary: “If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."Anne Bradstreet, [Meditations Divine and Moral]ORThe four seasons of Eve and Villanelle’s affair.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Niko Polastri, Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Nadia Kadomtseva/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 12
Kudos: 294





	If We Had No Winter

* * *

_ [  _ **_spring; the beginning._ ** _ ] _

" _ Fuck me!" _ Eve huffs. Fuck her for trying to "go green" with paper instead of plastic, because  _ honestly _ ! The brown bag tore and out came three boxes of rice, two packs of chicken breasts, and her perfectly ripened avocados she’d spent an entire five minutes searching for.

"One of those days, huh?" Someone asks, bending to retrieve her lost items.

"The absolute worst," Eve replies, tossing the ripped bag in her trunk and crouching down to help the Good Samaritan. Her eyes balloon in size, albeit briefly when the blonde woman looks up. She has a young face, but eyes that have seen many things. Eve quickly recovers to add, "Leave it to me to wait until the  _ day of  _ a holiday to buy ingredients for dinner."

"You are not alone." She gestures to the packed parking lot.

" _ Touché _ ."

"I figured everyone would still be in church. Bunch of heathens!" She yells at no one in particular in the parking lot.

That sends Eve into a fit of laughter. She likes this stranger, she decides.

"What does that make us?"

"Us? Oh, we are different. Can't you tell?" When Eve doesn’t answer, she waves it off and hands her the still-wrapped avocados, smiling. Eve accepts them, places them in another bag, and watches as the other woman loads the remainder of her groceries into the trunk. She is gorgeous. Her smile is confident, but her eyes betray her. They steal furtive glances at Eve, telling her that while the blonde woman is generally a cocky woman, she is a little intimidated by Eve.

"Villanelle Astankova." Holding out her hand, she tells Eve, "Your white knight."

"Eve Polastri." She shakes it. "Damsel in distress."

Villanelle laughs. "Something tells me you are many things, but, a damsel in distress, you are not."

"No. Not really. I'm just a girl whose in-laws are in town."

_ She is married _ , Villanelle sulks. "Well," she replies, shutting Eve’s trunk for her, "I hope I helped a little."

"You did." Eve smiles and gazes at Villanelle for a moment longer before clearing her throat. "I feel like I should buy you a cup of coffee or something. To say thank you."

"Tell you what," Villanelle pulls a card from the pocket of her stylish pants, "call me when you want that coffee."

_ La Villanelle Tailoring  
_ _ Astankova, Owner _

_ 020 7946 0320 (mobile) _

She holds it up in acknowledgment before putting it in her back pocket. "Will do."

Rounding her car, Eve opens the door, turning back to her.

"Happy Easter, Villanelle Astankova."

"Happy Easter, Eve Polastri."

A few hours later, she is serving her husband, Niko, his sisters, and their parents an expertly cooked Easter dinner. And the entire time, her mind replays her short but telling conversation with Villanelle.

Two weeks later, Niko has business in Cambridge. Eve sits in the kitchen of her beautifully designed Victorian home. Her legs crossed Native-style in a chair and she is fiddling with Villanelle Astankova's card in one hand and her phone in the other.

_ This is stupid _ , she decides. Villanelle probably doesn’t even remember her. She doesn’t have many friends, save for Bill and Elena, both of whom are currently occupied. Elena has just birthed a baby with her ex-boyfriend after a one night stand, and Bill... well, Bill and his new young bride, Keiko, have been stuck in their honeymoon phase for the last two years.

_ I should have called weeks ago _ , she scolds herself.  _ Who knows? She could've been a cool friend. _

But as she looks around the empty house, her boredom threatens to suffocate her.

_ Fuck it. What do I have to lose? _

Tapping in the last number, she brings the phone to her ear.

"Villanelle Astankova." She answers on the third ring.

"Hi, Villanelle. You probably don't remember me, but—."

"Eve?"

_ She remembers Eve? _

"Yeah. It's Eve."

"I was hoping you would call."

"Really?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I was just thinking how tired I was. Coffee might help. Is that why you are calling, Eve Polastri?"

Eve can hear her smile through the phone. And it is contagious. She puts her hand on her forehead, trying to stop the grin on her face.

"Well, it's nearly eight at night. It'll keep you awake. How about we have drinks instead?"

"My kind of woman." Villanelle chuckles.

_ Eve is her kind of woman! _ Eve has no idea why this pleases her so much to hear. She is a married woman, after all. And for all she knows, so is Villanelle.

"There's a bar on Imperial College Road called—."

"H Bar. Yes, I know it,” Villanelle tells her. “A good friend of mine owns it. Meet you there in a half-hour?"

"Sure," Eve replies.

"Cool. See you soon."

Thirty minutes later, Eve is being pulled into an embrace like she and Villanelle are old friends.

And forty minutes after  _ that _ , Villanelle and Eve are halfway through an entire bottle of tequila. A bottle that Villanelle had reached across the bar top for and held it up to the young-looking bartender who simply nodded his head. They find a hidden booth, close enough to the music and noise of H bar, but far enough to enjoy each other's company.

"What made you call me after two weeks?"

"I was bored."

Villanelle laughs loudly. "Nice. That is  _ so _ good for my ego. Thanks for that."

"No, no!" Eve laughs with her. "I don’t mean it like that. I was just sitting home, alone, on a Saturday night. All of my friends were busy."

"Alone? Where's the husband?"

"Who knows? Westminster, Brighton, Oxford. Wherever the fuck he is this week." She shrugs, knocking back another shot.

"Gone a lot?"

"I'm eighty percent sure I married a hologram." Eve jokes.

"Well, his loss is my gain." Villanelle pours them two more shots and she holds hers up. Eve follows suit. "To finding new friends in the most unlikely places."

"Cheers."

Together, they take the shots and grimace at the taste.

"So, what should I know about you? Besides owning your own tailoring shop and being a volunteer white knight in your spare time?"

"There is not much to know. Married, three years. I work hard, play harder." Villanelle tells her.

"Lemme guess. You married a blond man named Michael who wants kids like yesterday?"

"Ehh!" Villanelle mimics a wrong answer buzzer and slaps the table. "A brunette named Nadia who has a son from a previous relationship."

"I was close,” Eve says with a shrug.

They die of laughter once again.

"Okay, my turn. You married a struggling musician named Louis who has some sort of foot fetish?"

"Nope. A Polish named Niko who teaches—." She trailed off. "He told me once but it was so boring I forgot. There is no foot fetish that I know of,  _ however _ , he says Tokyo is his favorite place to visit because they're, and I quote, 'uninhibited'."

"That is code for foot fetish, Eve, I am  _ telling _ you."

"Oh, shut up!" She replies through more laughter.

Hours later, the bartender, who Eve comes to know is Kenny, the owner, shouts for last call.

"Holy shit, it's one-thirty in the morning already?"

"Time flies."

"True."

Their words are slurred and the empty bottle of tequila now has a friend beside it: a bottle of Jack.

"I still don't want to go home to an empty house." Eve pouts.

"It won't be empty. I will be there." Villanelle holds up the half-full bottle of Jack. "Drinks on me?"

She chuckles. "Let's do it."

They manage to maneuver through the LA streets, Eve leading the way to her house. Once there, they proceed to finish the bottle of whiskey.

"Thanks for hanging out with me tonight," Eve says as they settle onto the back deck of her house. They decide to watch the sun come up sitting around the lit fire pit.

"Thanks for calling."

Somewhere between that moment and the dawn approaching, Eve had fallen asleep against Villanelle, who wraps an arm around her to ward off the morning chill. Now, she is nudging Eve awake to watch the sunrise.

"The sky is changing colors." Villanelle murmurs into her hair. Her voice is groggy and deeper than Eve has ever heard it. It is sexy. Eve sits up but remains resting against Villanelle, the throw blanket from the outside furniture covering their lower halves.

"I can't remember the last time I watched the sun come up."

"Me either," Villanelle admits.

Eve looks up at her, finally, her eyes catching Villanelle’s. The light from the sun is warm and makes their skin appear almost golden and everything feels so organic and  _ right _ .

"Your eyes are lighter in the sunlight." Eve whispers.

Before she can even finish her sentence, Villanelle’s mouth is on hers. She kisses Eve how she needs to be kissed and how she has been wanting for so long. Too bad Villanelle isn't her husband.

_ Her husband! Villanelle’s wife! _

"Mm, no. We can't." She says but makes no  _ real _ attempt to pull away. That was all Villanelle needed to know.

"You mean we shouldn't."

But when Villanelle presses her lips against Eve’s again, she melts into her.

And when the blonde starts urging Eve onto her back, falling in between her legs, Eve knows this is the point of no return. She knows that this is going to happen. She can’t fight the attraction or the desire any longer. The consequences are hers, and she accepts them just as she does Villanelle’s tongue when it slips into her mouth.

Somehow, someway… their clothes come off.

And after kissing for what felt like hours, Villanelle is slipping inside of her.

In more ways than one.

* * *

_ [  _ **_summer; the heatwave._ ** _ ] _

_ They lost control once. And now… now it is a full-blown affair. _

Eve has told herself "this is the last time" on more than one occasion. Villanelle tells herself the same thing. But by their fifth lovemaking session, it is moot.

" _ You're so good at that." _ Eve breathed after Villanelle had eaten her out in the backseat of her car at a drive-through movie theater.

" _ I always finish my treats before the movie starts _ ." Villanelle had whispered back.

They hadn't even gotten past the previews.

That had been on the Fourth of July. Niko didn't celebrate "silly American holidays", but Eve had grown up in Connecticut, so it mattered to her. Just a little. Still, Niko spent the day in his office. Nadia, who was a cop, took on extra security detail, under the assumption that Villanelle had to work. 

They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other all summer. Each time they lock eyes, Villanelle and Eve end up so lost in their own sexual utopia, they lose track of time.

August comes quickly, and Eve’s birthday along with it. They have a private celebration the day before. Villanelle is in the foulest mood. Eve pulls her up the stairs of her house and lay her on her marriage bed before straddling Villanelle’s body.

"I am not in the mood, Eve." She says as Eve kisses her way from Villanelle’s ear to her neck.

"What's wrong, my love?" Eve murmurs into her ear. Villanelle tries to withhold a groan.

"Business."

"Is the shop okay?"

"Yeah. But I think I have to fire one of the girls."

"Why?"

"Shows up late or comes in hungover."

"Well, we can't have that, now can we?" Eve sucks on the sensitive skin where Villanelle’s neck meets her shoulder. 

It hadn't taken her long to find  _ that _ spot. Eve found it the morning they first made love on the patio furniture. Eve was coming around Villanelle’s fingers as she worked inside of Villanelle for the same goal. She bit down on the spot and then sucked softly and Villanelle had trembled so furiously, Eve later joked that they would have to replace Villanelle’s batteries soon.

"Fuck." Villanelle growls. Eve knows the effect it has and grinds against Villanelle’s core. Villanelle’s hands, which had been lying flat on the bed, suddenly reach up and squeeze Eve’s ass. "No, we can't."

"You're the boss," Eve tells her. "You do what you have to."

"Tell me again." Villanelle mumbles.

Eve grins and repeats, "You're the boss."

"I'm in charge?"

Eve nods and her giggles turn into full-blown laughter when Villanelle flips her onto her back.

"You're in charge!" She yells through her merriment.

And that's how the summer goes. When one says 'no', they are easily persuaded by the other to give in.

Mid-August, Eve and Niko have a fight. He is gone too much. She isn’t understanding enough of the fact that his job provides for them. And if he has to travel, he must travel.

It is the same fight. Over and over again. He locks himself in his home office where he will probably sleep and Eve goes out to the patio to call Villanelle.

"I need a drink." She says, a drink already in her hand.

"You need to breathe. Put the wine down."

She pauses, the glass against her lips.

"How—?"

"The ice is clinking in the glass."

Eve shakes her head, chuckling to herself.

"I thought you were going to try yoga? Isn't that supposed to be calming?"

"Yeah, well I tried. Elena took me to some hot ass yoga studio. I tried to relax and then I come home and he fucks up my  _ qi  _ or chakras or whatever the fuck it's called."

Villanelle laughs. "I will have to show you the right kind of yoga. It will help you relax, I promise?"

"You know yoga?"

"Yeah, I will help you put your leg over my shoulder and stretch you out  _ really _ nicely." Villanelle’s smile was evident in her voice.

"That's not yoga."

"Sure it is. Then I will show you how to bend over into my favorite position."

"Oh, I'm sure you will." Eve laughs. She can feel the familiar tingling between her legs. It happens whenever Villanelle talks like this. Hell, it happens  _ whenever _ she talks at all. Every part of Eve craves her now. And the craving is mutual.

"I want you," Villanelle tells her.

"You've had me."

"More. Now." The blonde’s voice is more firm, and Eve’s eyelashes flutter. She likes to challenge Villanelle, and it isn’t always intentional. Most times, it happens because of her nature, who she is as a person; she is just as determined as Villanelle. Villanelle, however, has come to discover that when it comes to the bedroom, Eve likes to be dominated, just a little.

"Where?"

And it has been like that nearly the entire summer. One said jump, and the other asked ' _ how high? _ '. It is scary how often they find themselves curled around one another. And they know it is wrong. Eve has tried to stop. And so has Villanelle.

Just before the schoolchildren start classes again in September, Eve and Villanelle are sitting on a bench in a park nearly three miles outside of the city.

"Nadia asked me if I was having an affair," Villanelle tells her as she stares at the pond in front of them.

Eve's brows rise and stares a hole into Villanelle’s profile for some idea of how she is feeling.

"Why did she ask?"

Villanelle finally looks at her. "We're not having sex anymore. She wanted to know if I was finding it somewhere else."

"And what did you do?"

Villanelle turns back to the water. "I slept with her."

Eve feels like she has been slapped in the face. "I don't know why I feel I have been cheated on. Isn't that insane?"

"No. I felt like I was cheating on  _ you _ the entire time,” admits Eve.

They sit in silence for a long while, just watching the ducks floating peacefully across the still water.

"We're both married,” says Eve.

"I know."

More silence.

"We have to stop,” Eve adds.

"I know."

Five minutes later, Villanelle is fucking Eve against a tree along a secluded path in the park.

"I'm sorry." She whispers in Eve’s ear and Eve wraps her legs and arms tighter around her.

When they come, it is together. And when they leave the park, they are alone.

It is the end.

* * *

_ [  _ **_autumn; the changing._ ** _ ] _

Except it isn’t.

Less than twenty-four hours after their goodbye sex in the park, Villanelle sends Eve a text.

_ I am going to ask Nadia for a divorce. _

It is enough to make Eve call her.

"Are you insane?"

"A little, I guess."

"You can't leave your wife."

"You know, if this were a movie, you would be begging me to leave my wife." Villanelle is trying to lighten the mood, but Eve is having none of it.

"It's not a movie, Villanelle. This is your life. You can't destroy it for—."

"You?" Villanelle finishes for her. "I know what I'm doing. I am a big girl, Eve."

Eve rolls her eyes even though Villanelle couldn't see her.

"This is a big decision."

"One that I'm not taking lightly. I know it is not just my life that I'm blowing up."

Eve sighs.

"Are you sure about this?"

"My mind is made up."

They don’t speak about it for a few more weeks until Eve gets a call one evening.

"Can you meet me at H Bar?"

Eve looks over at Niko who is washing the dinner dishes.

"Now?"

"Yes. I, uh, I asked Nadia for a divorce."

Eve's lips part and her voice gets caught in her throat.

"Say something." Villanelle replies and Eve can hear the desperation in her voice.

"Yes."

She makes a half-hearted excuse about grabbing a drink with Elena, kisses Niko on the cheek, and heads out.

At H Bar, Villanelle and Eve sit at the booth that has become their own.

"She didn't say much. Just took her son and left."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," Villanelle says truthfully. And she means it. She takes Eve’s hand in her own and kisses her palm.

Days pass and they are falling deeper for each other.

Hey." Eve says into the phone, her voice soft and dream-like.

"Hey," Villanelle responds in a tone, not unlike hers. Then they break into a fit of giggles. It had been like this for a few weeks. They are falling in love, neither wishing to acknowledge it.

They can’t.

And they are beginning to get sloppy with their secret. Villanelle has gone from always keeping her phone in her pocket to leaving it on counters, tables, and dressers. Eve finds herself having to plan a romantic evening with Niko because she accidentally sends him a text that is meant for Villanelle.

The closer it gets to the holidays, though, means there are fewer opportunities to see one another. For Halloween, Villanelle takes Nadia's son out trick-or-treating. Nadia isn’t Villanelle’s biggest fan, but Marcos has asked for her. It works since Nadia was scheduled as patrol for Halloween when the teenagers get restless and up to all kinds of mischief. When Villanelle picks Luka up, Nadia barely looks at her.

Upon returning home, there is a picture message from Eve, in lace underwear, cat ears, and dark eye makeup with text that read:  _ trick? or treat? _ She is going out with Elena. Villanelle groans inwardly. She could have been knuckles-deep inside of Eve right then. Instead, for the remainder of the night, she is wrist-deep in a stupid pumpkin basket, checking for suspicious candy.

_ Three weeks later... _

"When are you going to tell Niko about us?"

"Soon."

They are lying in bed, both freshly fucked when Villanelle asks her. Eve has just complained about yet another holiday that she has to spend with her in-laws.

" _ They don't even celebrate Thanksgiving. They're Polish. They claim they’re doing it for me." She’d scoffed. _

"Well, maybe by Christmas, you won't have to see them anymore." Villanelle replies, hopefully.

"Yeah, maybe."

On Thanksgiving, Eve's overly-critical mother-in-law has one too many things to say about the dinner Eve has prepared.

"Eve, how long did you leave this turkey in for? It's a little on the dry side."

"Listen, you old witch—." Eve manages to say before Niko finds himself cutting her off to defend his wife. It is touching, and so not like him. Usually, he tries to explain what his mother means, even though she's already said it as bluntly as possible.

"Mother," Niko interrupts, "I think you owe Eve an apology. She worked very hard on this meal, as she does every holiday and I think she did a fantastic job."

Eve is in shock. He's never stood up to his mother before and it is endearing that he does so on her behalf. She reaches over and squeezes his hand to show her gratitude. Niko's father changes the topic, giving his wife a way out of apologizing. Neither Eve nor Niko pushes the subject any further.

After that, Niko is... different. He starts to do more around the house; helps with dinner and dishes and laundry every so often. One Saturday, Eve wakes up to breakfast in bed. An internal battle began. Villanelle or Niko? Was it too late for her and Niko?

Things are changing.

* * *

_ [  _ **_winter; the ending._ ** _ ] _

" **_I know about her," Niko said, running a hand through his hair._ **

_ Eve's hand stops patting her face dry and sits the face towel on the sink. Looking at Eve through the mirror, he leans forward from his seat on the foot trunk. She can tell he is being truthful and not trying to trap her into telling him on her own. He knows. She can see the look in his eyes.  _

" _ For how long?" Eve asks. _

" _ Does it matter?" _

" _ Not really." _

" _ Since April," Niko answers anyway. "You were different." _

" _ How?" _

" _ You pushed me away for a while. Not that it was hard. Out of sight, out of mind, I imagine."  _

" _ That's not true." _

**_It is true._ ** _ The affair has been easier when he is out of town, which is just often enough to make her forget she owes  _ **_him_ ** _ her loyalty. But he always returns, and so does her guilt. _

_ Niko has hired a private investigator. His right-hand man, Aaron Peel. He's known since the Fourth of July. He has a black and white photograph of Eve in the backseat of a car, her head thrown back in ecstasy and bare breasts just barely hidden by the slight shoulders of a blonde woman. Why he has held onto the information for so long, he hasn’t a clue. He is hoping that perhaps the photo is misleading somehow. As if it is nothing but a doppelgänger. It isn’t. _

_ The doorbell rings. _

" _ Elena said she was dropping off our Christmas gifts today." _

_ He waves a hand and stands from the chest at the foot of their bed. And as Eve is dismissed, Niko busies himself with untying his tie. Eve stops at their bedroom door, first and turns to look at him. He gives her his back. _

" _ Are you insane?" She whispers when she sees who is calling upon them. Eve pulls her robe tighter and shuts the front door behind her. "You can't be here! He's here!" _

" _ I thought he was in Oxford." Villanelle comments. _

" _ He flew back. He—." Eve shakes her head and pushes her hair away from her face. "He wanted to talk." _

" _ About what?" _

" _ Us. He feels like I've been distant." _

" _ Since when?" _

" _ Since Easter." _

**_Since the day Villanelle met her._ **

" _ He knows," Eve explains. _

" _ And?" _

" _ And I still want to be with  _ **_you_ ** _."  _

" _ Then you need to say something to him." _

" _ I'm trying! But he won't take it any better if you're h—." _

" _ Eve? Is it Ele—?" Niko pokes his head out of the front door and his expression changes from concerned to furious. "You!" _

" _ Look," Villanelle starts before ducking a slap that Niko throws her way. The next attempt is stopped by Villanelle's right hand and she uses her left to knock some sense into Niko.  _

" _ Enough!" Eve shouts.  _

_ Both Niko and Villanelle pull away, breathing heavily.  _

" _ I'm not a gaudy belt that can be won in a goddamned title fight. Grow up. Both of you!" She huffs.  _

_ She really has no right, to be honest. She is Helen of Troy. She has started a war and no end is in sight.  _

" _ This is who you want?" Niko spat. "A mistress in a fancy suit?" _

" _ Right now, I don't want either of you. Look at yourselves." She scoffs before turning into the house and slamming the door behind her.  _

_ How she manages to turn  _ **_that_ ** _ around on both of them, she has no idea. It gives her the time she needs to run up the stairs and towards what was once her and Niko's bedroom. Now, it is just cold, empty, and dying.  _

_ It is winter. _

_ Eve has just enough time to shed her robe, yank a hoodie over her head and pull on a pair of sweatpants. She throws a few items of clothing and toiletries into an overnight bag and shoves her feet into a pair of sneakers. While she is snatching her keys off of her dresser, she hears the door open and slam shut. _

_ On her way down the staircase, she meets Niko face to face. They stare at each other for a few moments. _

" _ So that's it? You're just… just leaving?" _

" _ I need time." _

" **_You_ ** _ need time? Time for what? To decide who you want? This isn't high school, Eve! We took bloody vows!"  _

" _ I'm sorry!" _

" **_Fuck_ ** _ your apology." He hisses and passes her on the stairs, heading back to their room. _

_ Down the remainder of the steps, towards the vestibule, and out the front door. Villanelle sits on the porch steps, standing quickly as Eve exits.  _

" _ Eve, I am sorry." _

" _ You have nothing to apologize for. This was  _ **_my_ ** _ wrongdoing. I started this." _

_ The 'and now I have to end it" is left unsaid.  _

" _ Where are you going?" _

" _ Away. I have to clear my mind for a bit." _

" _ How long?" _

" _ I don't know. A few days, maybe." _

_ Villanelle nods and shoves her hands in the pockets of her pants.  _

_ Eve gets into her car and speeds off, leaving two broken people and two broken marriages behind. _

_ Villanelle doesn’t hear from her for two weeks.  _

_ Villanelle is altering a suit for a VIP customer on New Year's Eve when her cell rings. _

**_Eve!_ **

" _ Hello?" _

" _ Hi." _

" _ I was hoping you would call." _

" _ Really?" _

" _ Yes, I was just thinking about how tired I was. Coffee might help." _

_ She could hear Eve’s smile on the other end of the line when the brunette replies, "That's actually why I was calling. I'm pretty sure I still owe you that coffee." _

" _ There is a Nero Coffee shop on Gloucester Road,” Villanelle mentions.  _

" _ Meet you there in a half." _

_ And so… it was the beginning… again. _

**_Fin._ **

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally written as fast & furious fanfiction, but I think it fit villaneve pretty well.


End file.
